Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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