3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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