I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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