after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
