I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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