Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
