Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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