the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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