That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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