Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
