I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
