Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
