we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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