i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
