Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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