It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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