I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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