1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
