So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
