Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
