Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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