Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
