remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
