ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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