i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
