'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
