oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
