dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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