Jerry, you need to find god
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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