I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
