hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
