i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
