my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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