Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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