anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.