So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"