Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested