I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
