Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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