don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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