Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
