oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
