I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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