my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
