i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
