And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
