I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
