There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
