Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
