i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She bit a glass in half.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
