Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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