you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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