if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
