Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
