There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
