I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
