What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
