so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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