I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
