if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
