he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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