Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
