Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
