Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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