The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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