If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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