So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
