If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to calm my uterus...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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