Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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