Porn is love you can see.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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