Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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