I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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