I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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