I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
